saudade.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

i hate to be blunt but i just have to say this.
i feel so emotionally stressed talking to you nowadays.
its jus like being sucked into ur probs.
being arnd and talking to you is so depressing.
i feel so suffocated.
its like every time i try to cheer u up, it takes up all my energy
i noe things are not gg ur way.
but cant u be more positive abt it?
all u can tell me is this sucks and tts not gd.
do u think i like hearing all these when my school life now is already a mess?
im already feeling so stressed up and emotionally down.
talking to you jus makes it worse.
i know things are not gg well.
but hey, we're living in the real world.
NOT A FAIRYTALE.
reality check, life doesn't always go the way we want rite?
pls, i seriously think its time to grow up.
its time to start handling ur own emotions.
saying tt u cant ain't gonna help,
cos sooner or later u've gotta learn.
every one else is gonna move on in life
no one has the time to be worrying abt ur probs al the time.
when they already hv their own probs.
i know im being extremely blunt but i've gotta let it out.
its driving me NUTS.
there's no element of fun when i talk wif u nowadays.
its like talking to sarah last time when she was depressed.
the aura u give is unbearable.
sometimes talking to you makes me wanna cry.
cos its so FCUKING negative.
oh yes, im tear-ing up as i typing but i've gotta say what i've come to say
i don't want to be wf someone who cant be fun,
the you i knew was fun. really.
the times when we went to marina.
the times we could act stupid together.
still rmb those times?
its the guy then tt i fell for.
i've no idea where tt guy is now.
now the guy tt faces me is jus some who's so emo.
emo till a point i jus CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
u say ur trying to be happy.
but noe what?
ur actions contradict ur words.
everytime u play for heart.sports,
there's no one time when ur happy after the game.
ur always upset abt smthing.
all this emotional baggage. all these emotional stress.
its killing us.
i know ur probably gonna msg me
but i don't think i'll reply.
cos i really cant take it anymore.
i need a break, no,
what i REALLY NEED is for you to sort out ur life.
before u come talking abt us getting together
u need to handle ur own life, get it in order.
ur an adult now, i shouldn't be telling you all these.
u may not want to be an adult, but hey, YOU ARE.
u once told me u liked culinary.
but now when i hear what u tell me abt whatz happening in the kitchen
its like me taking physics
i know the kitchen is small and tt the ppl ain't nice.
but wth, are you there for THEM?
what are u really there for?
i don't really have frens in my class but hey, do i care.
mayb i do, but i GET OVER THE FACT.
cos i've got more impt stuff to do,
don't look near, look far.
but what ur doing now is jus critizing
on and on and on
now tt im a sec 3, i hv a hectic timetable.
of course there'll be days when im not free
and its for sure tt i'll spend more time wif frens in school.
if u cant accept it, then im sorry but u've gotta leave.
im a student, what do u expect?
cant u be more mature abt things?
haiz. i really don't know what to do.
but for you.
go sort out ur life.
tts what YOU NEED TO DO.

and sometimes i wish i could jus morph into a wolf.
so tt i can run and all i need to hear in my paws hitting the ground
and the wind in my ears.
feel every muscle in my body move to the momentum, jus to achieve the speed.
become one with the night and turn emotionless.
to move past the trees like a shadow and start to hunt.
to feel the thrill of the chase and satisfaction at the kill.