saudade.

Friday, September 25, 2009

think before you judge,
cause everything is never as it seems.

have been MIA-ing for the last couple of weeks.
thanks to intensive mugging and all the rehearsals for Big Create.

firstly, the alumni sleepover was absolutely fantastic!!
didn't manage to go to sentosa cause of SSS, but met them for dinner :)
fully understood the feeling of a bottomless stomach, hahaha.
watched Gamer and was pretty disappointed.
oh well, it wasn't anything the trailer made it out to be :(
but still, i had much fun! staying up the entire night,
and a failed attempt to catch the sunrise, haha.
and oh ya, not forgetting the life saver, milo :)

Big Create on wed was a blast!!!
thank god for the smooth performance, i was on a high during the perfomance :P
and it marked my debut act as a bassist, double yay :)
was so surprised when we won, like seriously.
when pastor dale was about to announce the winner,
you could actually feel the entire Promise holding their breaths.
so cool man.
but in any case, really have to thank god that we won!
way to go Pebbles and Peaches!!! :D hahaha.
(i'm still amused, up till today, with our band name)

5 more days till the start of EOYs :X
extremely nervous cause i really need to do well.
PROMOTION.
this very issue has been occupying a huge part of my mind lately.
oh well, jyjy everyone!!

for J, if you're reading this.
i can't believe you're going to Auzzie soon! :(
rawr, then i'll be here in singapore alone.
can't call you and complain about happenings at home.
and won't be able to go out with you until quite some time.
one less friend in ycg.
grr, i feel sad.
i'm gonna miss you man :(

i feel kinda discouraged and a little bit appalled.
if you say, you think this person has potential in a certain area.
and yet, you tell the person
"go and learn ____ until a certain level, then come back to find me."
i mean like ?!?!?!
if i go outside to learn ___, then why should i come back to play for you
when you didn't even give me a chance to nuture whatever potential you think i have?
it's like you only want me when i'm good, but hey everyone starts an amateur right.
if you think that i've got the potential, shouldn't you be the one giving me the opportunity to grow?
but what you expect is for me to go outside to learn, and when i'm good enough,
come back and play for you.
it doesn't make sense to me.
and all this time i thought the most important thing, as preached,
was my willingness to surrender whatever talent, no matter how small, to God.
but it doesn't seem to be the case.
i may say yes, i'm willing to be used,
but i have to find another outlet for me to be a pro before i can be used.
a little contradictory huh, don't you think.

and i never said i was good, never.
so why do you always have to show me that "i knew you weren't that good" kinda look.
it's not as though i boasted about being super good at ___
i know i'm new, i'm not good.
but the expression of yours really discourages me.
wth.