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Wednesday, July 01, 2009

for mr. you know who you are,

i don't know why things have turned out this way between us
i'm so sorry to have said no, but i can't lie to you either.
not when it means that i'll worsen the situation.
we've had our fair share of quarrels but this one's harsh
the words you flung without thought hurt.
you know i have and will always love you,
but i'm so sorry if it's not in the same way you feel about me.

all the accusations you made are still fresh in my mind
i thought you knew me better than that.
i meant it when i told you that i didn't have anyone else in my heart,
and that i don't plan to for the next couple of years.
but what cut me most was the disbelieving look in your eyes when i told you that.

i remember the all the movies we used to watch at your place,
curled up on the sofa, and i felt safe for once.
the times when i was down and you were the one i confided in,
the one person i knew i could count on.
the hugs that you used to give me because somehow,
you seemed to know when i needed one.

i remember how i was never afraid to be myself with you,
because i knew you would not judge me.
the times we'll laugh so hard together that
we'll just roll on your living room floor.
how you always looked out for me when we went out with M and the guys,
making sure i didn't go overboard with the drinks.

there's no one quite like you.
and that's the thing i love about you.

but the quarrel that day was just downright harsh.
the things you said; i don't think i want to think about it.
i tried for the past few days to treat it as one of those quarrels,
but i can't.
i can't think about the quarrel and not feel the tears choking me up.
i feel so distracted half the time because i can't seem to believe that
you'll actually say all that.
it's as though the pain that day is still alive;
it's almost tangible.
the way you told me to get out,
somehow it felt like you were asking me to get out of your life.

i didn't think think i'll be so affected but i guess i'm wrong,
because i am.
i don't know how long this thing is going to last,
and what will become of us next.
i'm afraid of thinking about it.

all i can say now is, i'm sorry babe.