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Wednesday, December 09, 2009

confused.


how is it possible that with one text msg
there can be both excitement and dread.

how is it possible that i would find it difficult to talk to you
after all that's happened.

how is it possible that the person whom i can bear my soul to,
who knows all ugly things i've done,
is becoming the person whom i don't want to talk to.

not because i don't like you,
but because i know that the conversation will turn out the same way.

the person who've talked to me into the night,
that was there for me every single hour when things turned bad with him.
guardian, bf and "daddy"

i miss you, really i do.
and i don't wanna lose whatever we have.

i admit, i'm scared.
i'm afraid of what we'll become.
and perhaps i'm drawing back first,
so that i'll be better prepared.

i admit, i suck at dealing with this sort of complication.
i can't seem to get it right,
no matter how i try and what i do.
maybe i should just not do anything.

i'm at a loss.
you've been the one who always gave me advice,
guidance without reservation.

two people who can talk about anything,
scold each other when it's for the better,
"love you" and mean it.

i refuse to believe that this is all that we're going to amount to.
but i find it so hard to believe.

teach me, teach me how to have faith in us.