saudade.

Monday, June 08, 2009

so let the ghost of the past become one with me
and perhaps when it does, it will be freed

went for morning service on sun (i managed to wake up in time, amazingly)
hahaha.
it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, cause Pastor Robert Bueno (special speaker) was speaking
so it was still primarily an english service with translation.
phew for me :X
headed for bass after that, i think i'm falling in love with it :)

was suppose to go run with my sis in the morning today
but boo hoo, didn't wake up in time cause i slept really late last night.
gahh, i feel so lazy :(
think i'm gonna die for tomorrow's training cause i haven't been exercising,
AT ALL :X

got a msg from someone today that confounded me.
i was quite shocked that i had to read the msg thrice to get it registered in my head
but oh well, i hope i gave the right reply.

know something, i feel that i'm trying to hard.
but at the same time it's so difficult for me to just sit back and not care about it
cause it's so important to me.
grr, i'm so confused.

"She has always been like this when she’s sad, like she wants to be pressed to me but also distant.

Next to me & far away from me at the same time.

Like she is practicing being gone.

And I don’t really get it, how she can turn from me when she’s at her most miserable,

times when all I want to do is hold her & never let go.

It’s like the sadness pushes me away and pulls her in.

And her pulling away makes things worse, way worse, for me.

But I can’t ever tell her that, because then she’ll be more sad, for hurting me.

Too many layers of hurt, & it starts to suffocate us both. "

—
Unknown