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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

gosh, i don't know whatz wrong with me
its like my mind jus keps telling me tt i'm fat.
i can't get it out.
its almost like i'm having a mental problem here.
i can't take it anymore.
everytime i eat, my mind will automatically go like
"tts jus fattening"
"ur so huge."
and stuff like tt.
i never thought tt i'll end up having a prob like this.
plus the fact tt i'm _____
it jus sucks.


mum,
i'm having loads of prob rite now
i'm suffering from a mental struggle
and all u keep doing is scold me,
i know i was wrong
being rude and all
but now isnt my time.
i've no idea why i snapped at you either.
but i din mean it.
i jus feel so freaking irritated by the fact tt i'm so overweight.
nd the prob is
i can't get over it.
all i noe now is tt i'm fat.
tts it
fat and ugly.
mayb ppl will think tt i'm like superficial
but the prob is,
i don't like this either.
everytime i'm with the team
i jus feel so inferior.
they're all so slim and pretty.
and i jus stick out
being fat and ugly.
i know i should not be thinking like this.
but i'm TRAPPED.
trapped in this vicious cycle
and the only way to break out is....
i don't know.
i keep coming back to this prob.
everytime i think i'm over it, i'm back at it again.
what the heck is wrong with me?
i've no idea.
all i know now is tt my mind is jus telling me tt im overweight.
even to the point tt i shouldn't eat.
i had to force my meals down today.



























oh Lord.
pls help me thru this struggle
i can't break free on my own
i can't.
and i'm tired of fighting alone.
pls be my warrior.
jus this once.