saudade.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

gosh.
i totally sucked today
my runs were not there
no speed, no control.
practically played like shit today.
got to warm the bench.
if tts a nicer way of saying tt i practically sat out for the game.
i actually think its better.
cos the team can function so much better WITHOUT me,
as in im not trying to get ppl's pity
and telling me that" i'm not tt bad" and stuff
but tts jus how i truly feel.
i feel the game progressed so much smoother without my presence.
without me on court.
argh. sorry peeps.
guess i jus suck.

went to do my blood test today.
it was like scary lah.
cos the doc took the blood from my elbow area
not my fingertip.
sarah says tt i got scammed.
but whatever.
its over.
but anw, i was like alone
and tt definitely did not make things any better.
when the doc poked the needle in,
he asked me whether it hurt.
my reply was like "ahh!"
think the whole clinic heard me lah.
so paiseh.

went out to eat.
and its seriously alot lah.
hokkien mee, carrot cake, fish soup and rojak.
from 2morrow onwards
not gonna eat tt much le.
cos i realised tt i put on 1kg
what a fat ___.
can't stand myself
so short.
and fat.
argh.
can't get over it.
dun mean to sound bimbo-istic
but i seriously cnnt stand the way i look
so overweight.
fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat.

jus now when i was on my way home
i saw 2 guys playing at the playground.
and they were adults, mind you
the first thought tt popped into my mind was
"did they have a deprived childhood or what?"
haha.. was jus very amused.

didn't get to go for movie with the team.
super disappointed.
cos my mum last min told me tt i cant go out
cos im sick
like whatever.
i felt so qian bian lah.

anw, there was this day when my family was at the supermarket.
then my sis suddenly asked me
"Those are condoms rite?
then i was like *stunned*
i said yea
then she said
"then why are there flavours?"
-.-
like does she expect me to explain to her why condoms hv flavours.
like so no way
so i jus acted blur and said i dunno.

anw, i think i'm gonna warm the bench again
and i think, no, i should say, i believe its a great idea

sometimes i wonder whether you still _____ her.
she's so pretty, talented, tall, slim and everything.
outgoing, friendly, lovable.
i'm not surprised if you still do.
or mayb i'l jus thinking too much.

i'm glad you have them now.
but i jus feel hurt tt we're not as close as before.
or mayb we never were.
i don't want to be the bad guy trying to get u to be ____
so i'll jus make life simple.
jus take it as we never knew each other.
u might never read this.
i don't know.
and i don't care.
all i want toknow is whether we were really frens.
i guess i'll never know.
since all you can say to me is hi
and before i can reply, u jus walk off.
i guess all you need are ur ex-cos and ur teammates.
well, all the best.
congrats for ur results.
if you ever read this, that is
so this is it, huh.
everything we had is past tense,with a capital P.
whatever, i don't give a damn.

Labels: bench warming, blood test, shitty play