saudade.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

260 posts.
That's how much I've blogged.
Not that it's a huge number or whatsoever
Just that I never knew that this blog will last so long.
Still remember my primary reason for blogging last year,
it was freakingly hilarious now that I look back.

Have been blogging like everyday, though it's the exam weeks.
guess that's cos I'm home most of the time, so the temptation to blog is too hard to resist.

I actually feel lonely.
haha, like so random rite?
But seriously, just feel super alone sometimes.
All the company that I have either come from books, my ipod nano, the computer or my piano.
That's about it.
But not anything human.
Though I do go out and stuff, but there's just this loneliness that's always at the back of my mind.
As in I'm not emo-ing, just trying to pinpoint how I feel.

Went to read thru all my posts since March.
Can't believe how many things have happened.
Some of which I don't even understand.
And all those things I wrote, I don't even know where they came from.
But some of them did encourage me.
Some of them did make me think abt life again.
haha, but all those things I wrote to ___
There was this bittersweet feeling attached to them.
When I read all those stuff,
I finally realised that all those times when I told you that I didn't know what you meant to me,
I was lying.
You were the person that meant the world to me.
Everything that you did and said were precious.
All those times you said the goals were for me, I treasured them.
All the times when we went out togeher, I remember.
The way you'll smile and crap with me, I still love it.
There were alot of things I did not express
Many things I did not say.
I thought my actions were enough to say how I felt.
Didn't know I was wrong.
But now as I look back, guess it doens't really matter anymore.
Beacuse all of these things are worthless to you.
I once said that I love you too much to lose you.
It still holds true.
But something I've realised is that sometimes,
As long as the person you love is happy,
Losing the person is worth it.
You are so much happier with your friends now,
everytime I see you smile with them,
I would say that I feel happy too.

Didn't get to go eat breakfast wif my mum today
Cos I was simply too tired to wake up so early.
So ya, woke round noon time
Watched Goal! on HBO, nice show.
But other than that, not much to do also.

"One thing I love about this Valentine's Day is that it will not be our last"
I meant what I said, I believed it.
But I'm proven wrong, once again.

I want to go to the bottled tree garden.