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Monday, May 05, 2008

I hate that look of disapproval in your eyes when you look at me sometimes.
I'm sorry if i can't reach your standards of a perfect duaghter.
I'm sorry if I'm not mugging as hard as your colleagues' children
But I'm just sick of this tension.
Everytime I reach home, I brace myself for your thrashing.
Either me or her.
I don't feel good hearing you scold her like nobody's business
I feel so sick.
I'm so tired of this, everything that we talk about, one of us will just flare up.
The peace in this house is so fragile, even pretentious at times.
Everytime I'm out somewhere, you want to know.
You've never held on so tightly.
You always ask me why I'm not home yet and all.
But sometimes I just want to be with my friends or simply, alone.
Sometimes I don't feel like going home, yet you want me to.
When I come home, all I get is your questioning.
All this checking up is making me nauseous.
I think I've had enough.
I can handle my tuition on my own, which is why I don't always discuss it with you.
Because my timetable is not always fixed.
But you always want a definite answer and just question like crazy when it's changed.
This is my life, so why can't you let me try to handle it.
I'm not asking for absolute freedom.
I'm just asking that you trust me, yet you can't do that.
The last whole month has been tough, I know it hasn't been on you guys either.
But being so strict on me now ain't gonna do anything to help.
It will only worsen it.
I feel so repulsed sometimes, at the thought of coming home.
I always tell myself that things will turn around.
But they aren't
I'm not even allowed to speak of certain issues at home
I feel so restricted in my own house, ironically.
I'm trying to maintain my positivity.
But sometimes, even the strongest warrior falls.
That you must understand.
The most important thing is, I don't know what's wrong and what's going on.
I've HAD ENOGUH of not knowing things.
Really, truly and honestly, I've had enough.
Life is already very tough, but what you're doing now only makes it more difficult.