saudade.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

2010.
new year, new beginnnings and above all, new choices.

Some things are seriously hilarious. On the surface, in that moment, we laugh about it, thinking about how retarded we can be sometimes. But after that point, when we return to the world of our own, we think, and we think, and things are just never the same again. Confusion clouds the world, but many at times it's not that the cloud refuses to clear, but instead it's you yourself throwing the smoke bomb and insisting to remain hidden behind the cloud of escapism. Humans are made in such a special way, that when they realize what they would discover is strongly against their desire, they'd rather choose not to understand it at all. That sometimes it's not that there are things people cannot put down, but instead, they refuse to put down, knowing that a burden in actual fact is but a distraction from other troubles.

- clashofinfinity.blogspot.com

i've been wanting to write a so-called end of the year post,
something i'll do every year.
but somehow, 2009 has been a very difficult year to part with,
which explains why i haven't gotten to doing it till now.

somehow i was scared, to say goodbye to one of the best years in my life.
and i felt that once i wrote this post, it would really mean that 2009 is over.
call it denial or whatever you like,
but i actually believed that by not facing it,
the truth will not be the truth.

but what is over is over, whether we like or not.
so here goes.

2009

One of the best years of my life.

There have been so many things i've learnt this year, about people and about myself. But above all that,

i've met and gotten to know people i never believed could make my life so much more worth living for.

Perhaps you think that i'm exaggerating, that i'm just saying this because it's what everyone else is saying.

But i assure you, these words are the truest i've ever said.

4ich.

the first word that comes to mind when i think of this class,

LOVE.

love in its truest form, its very essence.

so many emotions that my heart holds for this group of people,

but words don't do them justice.

even if i wanted, i wouldn't be able to fully express what i really feel.

even now as i'm typing, i can feel tears building up behind my eyes.

for all the shit we've been through,

the crazy moments,

kb-ing teachers,

the screaming during PE lessons,

the swearing and the cursing,

the stuck-up-ness,

the bitching sessions,

and everything else that words cannot express.

choo. dixun. sihua. michelle. chang. eunice. sonj. liew. yijin. brian.

NQ. freda. cherie. junjie. ruth. nicole. huey ying. chenxi. wan yi.

chua. joc. charis. lee hui. dom. annies. amelia. hui min. pris. zhi liang.

felicia. bess. weisin. leeyin. xanne.

there will never be another class like them

they are my raison d'tre.

Team.

thanks for being a second family to me. i could always rely on you guys whenever i needed a listening ear.

you all never judged, only sought to understand.

a quality i could never find in many people.

this group of people i trust with my life, i love all of you.

SCB and Gang.

2010 would mark 10 years of our friendship and yes i'm so thankful that i have you.

thanks for being always there for me, through all my mess and nonsense.

i love you so much!

i really don't know how to type out what i feel,

because everytime i lost faith in myself,

you never did.

that means more than you'll ever know.

everytime i got wasted, you would always pull me back to earth.

thanks.

oh and did i mention that i love you very much?

kuan, kai and oli - i love you guys so much!
it's amazing how we've survived 4 years of sec school and still stayed in contact.
never thought it'll be possible but you guys proved me wrong.

and i just realized that kuan and i just hit our decade anniversary too!

Hyung.

thanks for tolerating all my nonsense,

and even when it was in the wee hours of the day,

you'll never fail to be there for me when i needed a friend.

i could always talk to you about anything, anytime.

i never needed to be anyone but myself around you.

thanks for being such a fantastic friend.

Joel

when i think about everything that has happened,

it never fails to surprise me how we've managed to remain friends.

i could tell you the weirdest things,

and feel totally comfortable with it.

i could always count on you to be there for me,

no matter when.

and all those times when i couldn't find the words,

thanks for not pressurizing me to talk.

instead i love the way we can lapse into silence,

it's not something i can do with everybody.

thanks for everything j.

love you :)

the randomest of all friendships,

i'm so glad that we are still friends though the odds were low.

it didn't matter that we didn't talk that often,

but somehow it was always comfortable confiding in you,

and knowing the words i speak won't get past you.

thanks for being a great listening ear.

Choo.

love/hate relationship. woman. choo yeap. rotting corpse and what have you.

there is so much i'd like to say but at this point of time, words fail me.

language doesn't seem to be able to comprehend the depth of my emotions.

you were always there for me, and literally always.

in school, netball and everything personal.

there was almost nothing you didn't know about what was happening on my side,

and despite all my rubbish, you never failed to keep me grounded.

even if it meant being blunt/ harsh, you would tell me off when i was wrong.

and i really really appreciate that.

you are one person that i'll never feel uncomfortable talking about anything,

and it's amazing how you can just listen to my nonsensical rattling early in the morning,

even on those mornings when you weren't listening, thanks for acting like you did (i guess) LOL.

i could always trust you with whatever i felt,

you were always reliable.

it's true that i'm a pretty open book and that my life ain't that private,

but when it comes to controversial issues and issues that are very close to heart,

i could always talk to you about it, and somehow it didn't feel as though you judged me much.

with you i've never had the pressure to be somebody else.

even if i tried to be, you'll probably know,

i think you're probably the only person in school that knows me this well.

and i'm thankful for a friend like you.

thanks for being positive when i needed some positivity,

you never failed to make me see certain things in new perspectives.

(though i still do no really agree with the justin bieber craze)

for all the times when i was down and out,

thanks for lifting me up :)

there are a whole lot of other people that have made 2009 beyond awesome for me,

but i really don't have the energy type something for every single person.

so i chose to write for those people who'll actually visit my blog.

sorry about that.