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Thursday, February 25, 2010

like a time bomb, it's only a matter of time. what does it all boil down to? enlighten me cause i don't know. you tell me we need to know where we stand but how can i answer. i love you, i think, but i sure hate the way i keep going back to you after all the shit you've given me. appalled and yet doing it all the same. i feel as though there's something inside my head that's waiting to explode, waiting to give way under all the pressure.

how did it come to this. i'm exhausted. you said you'll be there and i need you now, but where the hell are you. and i'm sick of feeling this way. running away from it ain't going to help anything, but i don't want to broach the subject either.

i really wished that throughout these few weeks, you could have been there when the issue with the team happened, when the warning bells went off inside my head cause i realized jc life wan't as easy as i thought, when i broke down because seeing her always leaves me emotionally wrecked. i wished you could have been the one i could run to, the one who would meet me just for a little while to make sure i was fine, like you used to do.

you don't know how these few weeks have been like for me, nobody does actually. what's the point of talking about it when it doesn't benefit anyone. but just because i act like i'm fine doesn't mean i really am. i try to be of course, but you of all people, who claimed to know me better than others should know how past events have turned me upside down. what my emotions were about the netball issue, seeing her, not doing too well in my work coupled with everything that has been happening at home.

but you weren't there, no matter how much i'd have liked you to be here. and that makes all the difference in the world to me.

you know how some lines in life aren't meant to be crossed? as much as we'd like, we'll close our eyes and wish real hard that whenever we make mistakes, it'll be solved once we make the amendments. but we open our eyes and realize that it's not the case, but because that's not the way we were made to live. and the same goes for us. we try to pretend that nothing's bothering us, but we know the truth.

for the very first time, i don't want to try anymore. i'm voting for a stalemate.