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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

sometimes i wonder what is it that makes us love certain people, even people are are seemingly different from us. there are just some people you meet that you click with straight away, there are people you dislike upon the first meeting and there are those you never thought you'll be good friends with.

i've met strangers with whom i felt totally at ease talking about some of the deepest issues i have, issues that i'm not even comfortable talking about with those who are assumed to be close to me. maybe it's because i know that i'll never meet these strangers again, perhaps the unfamiliarity is what opens the door for me to speak about things that no one else knows about. maybe that's what chatlines and helplines thrive on, the anonymity that exist between the speakers.

i see people around me who are so ready, and even eager to fall in love. the headrush of emotions, butterflies in your stomach. somehow there are so many people i know that are looking for that; some even dream about it. i can't say that i don't, but at least not now i think. it's as though my heart's become jaded, or perhaps just tired and worn out about the ideals of love. sure, i know about the beauty of falling in love, but i also know about the cruelty of falling out of it. not that the risk is not worth it, but i don't think it's for me right now.

maybe that's the reason for the refusal, because i know that now is not the time and place. i'll know when it is, and it's not now. sometimes i wish i had the heart of a child, then maybe this would be easier.

this post probably sounds fragmented but for now, this is the best i can manage.