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Thursday, April 22, 2010

"does this mean we have sparks?"

when i leaned against her shoulder, what i had in mind was to find comfort. but your visage flooded my mind and it took everything i had to keep myself from entertaining those thoughts. when it was pouring and i was typing nonsensical random ravings on my phone, i realized that every thought stemmed from the memory of you.

i find myself humming that song you always sang to me. i can't seem to be able to erase that memory of us at the park from my mind; it keeps plaguing my sanity. you have no idea how hard it is to not think about you and not let songs, people, words and places remind me of you. i never thought your presence would be so persistent, or perhaps its is just my stubborn mind that's driving my up the wall.

i haven't seen you for so long. as much as i try to lie and tell myself that i'm just busy, somehow i know that i'm just trying to leave things the way they are. the balance of events are fine the way they are, at least to you they are. and perhaps, that's good enough for me. i don't know what the sight of you will do to me and if you want my honest opinion, i don't think i want to know either. i'm tired of having to act as though i'm fine, just to appease people and we can act as though everything's perfect.

yea we're acting, wouldn't you agree? the tension and perhaps the tinge of perceived indifference is so tangible when we are in the vicinity of each other. we smile and make small talk, but we both know we're more distant than two strangers on the road. we want to talk and yet we don't want to; fear of the unknown maybe.

i really don't know, but i do think that it's over in your mind. what you said months ago doesn't apply now, and i think it'll be easier for me to move on with that thought.

perhaps we're better off this way;